Here at Undergents, we’ve done a lot of research into what men want from their underwear. We know that guys want comfortable, cooling skivvies that don’t hug their legs, pinch their waists, or squeeze their boys into unnatural positions. They want support, but they also like the feeling of hanging free in the world. They want nice things and they want to look good in them. So why do they hold on to the same old, moth-eaten briefs that last fit well when people still thought Chumbawamba was a good band?
The hard truth is that men can be creatures of habit. They’re happy to stick with what’s comfortable, even if it’s painfully uncomfortable. Men often go with what’s familiar, safe, and within a five-foot walking distance. They want to take care of themselves, but only if the effort required is less than what’s required to not take care of themselves. So allow us to suggest an alternative motivation. One that’s equal parts selfish and selfless. If you’re not going to buy good looking, comfortable underwear for yourself, do it for the ladies...for yourself.
There Are Other Benefits to Consider
We understand that the underwear you bought while you were still living in your parent's house is like an old friend. It was with you when you went off to college, when you got your own place, when you entered your thirties, and what’s left of them is still with you today. They cradle you, not in the way they should, but in the way you’re used to.
But women don’t care about that. They don’t know your boxers’ history. They don’t understand the special bond you share. They only care that they make you look like an unwashed hobo. And no woman wants to get down with an unwashed hobo unless she is herself an unwashed hobo.
So if you’ve set your romantic sights somewhere above the level of grungy railroad squatter, you need to up your sexy game. If you want to land a smart, attractive woman, or satisfy the one you already have, you need to give them what they want. Don’t do it for you. Do it for her. For you.
If the Underwear Fits…
You know what a seductive set of lingerie does for you. It helps you rise to the occasion. And then after a snack and a nap, rise again. Doesn’t she deserve the same consideration? Women need to get there, and seeing lefty and the boys dangling from a thread worn hole in the side of your skidmark-stained tighty whities isn’t the visual she needs.
Instead, get yourself a baker's dozen of our supremely comfortable, obsessively engineered underwear and put on a show she’ll remember. You’ll realize you’ve never owned underwear so perfectly conformed to each and every crevice. Big Joe and the twins will revel in luxury they’ve never known. You’ll love your underwear so much you may not want to take them off. But that would be a mistake. If she wants them off, do it. Quickly. You can always put them back on later.
But don’t do it for yourself. This isn’t about you. It’s about her. Turn your sexiness up to eleven and satisfy her needs...and then you might stand a chance of her satisfying yours.
This has been a public service announcement from Undergents.com, a gamechanger in men’s underwear.